Emotion can make you look stupid or worse still, do stupid things. One of the most stupid things you can do is to get separated and/or divorced. I have done both and in looking back, I could have achieved everything that I’ve got now, but with far less pain and without destroying that family that I had at the time, had I stayed put and worked it out.
Divorce is stupid because it’s seldom the best option. It is however one of the most popular, even though it’s the most destructive and the one least wanted.
The fact that 75% of divorcees end up getting divorced at least once more tells us that divorce doesn’t work. The fact that seven years down the track people who could’ve divorced but didn’t, are happier than people who did get divorced, tells us that divorce doesn’t work.
So why do we do it? Is it because at the time, and in the heat of the emotional moment, it seems like the only viable option we have left. Operative word there is ‘seems’. It is not the only option, it just seems like it is. Most people, when they get caught up with this, are actually trapped in a way of thinking. It’s emotion taking over, leading you into doing something that’s probably stupid, when there are still options for staying together.
Have no doubt that emotion can do that. Think for instance of the worse decisions you ever made in your life so far. Is it a safe bet to say that at the time you were in a state of high emotion?
When it comes to divorce, speaking the truth and listening properly works well. The families that do this usually stay together happily. The problem is, doing this can be difficult, In the heat of the moment, when tension is high and emotion is threatening it’s often the last thing you want to do. Yet talking truth and listening is what happens in the marriages that keep growing and developing no matter what.
What you need are effective strategies that work when the going gets tough Given that every relationship is going to have challenges to deal with now and then, every relationship needs effective strategies. Having these is just SO important, otherwise things are going to go from bad to worse.