Great relationships do not make logical sense. Notice how, when things go bad, trying to make sense of what is going just doesn’t do it. If you want to fix things, that’s not the way to go. This is one of the biggest mistakes people make in failing relationships; they try to make sense of the problem. When that doesn’t work the problems just keep getting bigger.

For example, you might be in a car with your partner driving and you say, “If you keep driving like this you’re going to have an accident”. To which your partner responds, “Can you just shut up and let me keep driving my way please?” Then you say, “You don’t have to be like that. All I’m doing is trying to prevent an accident!” And on it goes.

If this sort of comment ends in argument and/or conflict, then you need to work with what’s really going on beneath the surface. You need to be working with that mysterious something within that is driving the toxic behaviours.

This means getting to the source. You need to allow yourself to go deep within yourself where you can resolve the unresolved emotion. When you don’t do that, and most of the time people don’t, the problem is not going to go away. Instead it will just get bigger and bigger.

Think of the biggest problems you have in your life right now. Chances are that each one of these used to be a small problem that was never properly resolved so it just kept growing.

What you need to do, and this is what great relationships do, is work together with your partner to find the specific emotional issues that you need to work with and then resolve them. Although this sounds complex, it’s actually quite simple once you know how to do it!