When we have been hurt by someone we have loved and trusted, be it physically or emotionally, we go into a state of outrage. Anger can be a useful emotion if we want to express ourselves from feelings of hurt. But, it is illogical when the threat, or the ‘enemy’, is no longer there. Often, the other person is not even aware of the rage we feel towards them.
As we are consumed by the hurt, we are assuming that another person should have behaved in a certain way. Being the victim feels good in many ways. But guess what? The world largely doesn’t care. It may give you a perceived power, but that is only a shallow and temporary state.
Resentment, anger, and fear are all connected. We can become trapped in a self-obsessed cycle of being afraid of the future, angry in the present, and filled with resentment over past hurts. Being unforgiving breeds bitterness and negativity. It saps away our happiness as we are caught in the anger web, unable to fully engage ourselves into life and love. Holding on to resentment means we close up and there is no way that we can be fully open to love someone else or to be loved.
Forgiveness doesn’t assume a position of right or wrong but the ability to let go; to release the destructive emotions that are harbouring within you. Forgiveness is not about the other person; it’s to heal us. Forgiveness means to resolve and let go. When you let go of the hurt and pain, you take away the power the other person has over your emotions and consequently over you. Letting go is an invitation to relinquish unhealthy attachments to events, ideas, possessions, and emotions.
By resolving and letting go, you are the first one to benefit. You stop suffering mentally over something that already happened. It doesn’t mean that what has happened disappears, it means that the emotional triggers and feelings associated with the perceived hurt, have gone. Once you release whatever is hurting you, you are letting go of a useless, emotional weight that you are carrying around for no good reason.
When you focus on the lessons you learned from your experience, you will stop drowning in resentment. Once you let go of resentment, animosity, and bitterness, you experience the freedom that invites peace and love into your life.